Here is my first draft synopsis...
The Identity Synopsis
The Identity is a drama/thriller three-part miniseries that focuses on a young woman; Lauren Daniels, trying to find out who her real family is and where she comes from. Having grown up in Philadelphia with her mother Helen, Lauren has grown bored of working in the same job, meeting the same people and living the same old life. This is all completely turned around when her grandmother Joyce unexpectedly comes into her life and reveals to her that her mother isn’t who she thinks she is. Finding out from Helen and their family friend Chris that her mother changed her identity and stole her surrogate daughter from a couple in London, Lauren is furious and decides that she needs to meet her real parents.
She packs up and travels to London, abandoning her mother. Meeting a young man called Ethan, he follows her on her journey and helps her to track down her family. The pair manage to find the workplace of Lauren’s father Frank, and obtain his phone number and address. Lauren becomes suspicious of Ethan when she finds out that he’s a fraud investigator, but he quickly admits to her that he works with Chris, and that he was sent to help Lauren as a favour. Accepting that they care for each other, Lauren and Ethan admit their feelings for each other and sleep together that night.
But the next day, Lauren leaves him behind, wanting to spare him from getting into any trouble because of her. She travels to her parents’ address alone, only to find a young woman living there. It’s soon revealed that the woman is Amanda, the daughter of Lauren’s parents Frank and Kathleen, who replaced Lauren once she was stolen. Furious, Lauren tracks down her parents’ home and confronts Kathleen. Who tells her that Frank wanted to spare their family shame and embarrassment, so he left the police out of it and covered up their daughters kidnapping by illegally adopting a Romanian orphan of the same age, and using her as a replacement. Frank soon arrives mid conversation and tells Lauren to leave.
Once Lauren leaves in tears, Amanda is seen to have been eavesdropping and follows Lauren. Sat on a park bench crying, Lauren makes a phone call, saying she regrets coming to London, and tells the person where she is. She goes back to her hotel room and goes to bed early. But she is woken up in the middle of the night to find that she’s been gagged and bound by Amanda, who stands over her, frantic and paranoid from cocaine. She tells Lauren that she won’t come between her family and takes out a knife. Helen, having been called by Lauren earlier, comes in and tries to stop Amanda, but is stabbed by her in the chaos. Lauren breaks free and kills Amanda with a blunt object.
Saying goodbye to her dying mother, Helen and Lauren tell each other that they’re sorry and that they love each other, and Helen dies in her arms. Lauren is forced to clean up evidence and leave before the police arrive. The next day she sees her birth parents being told that Amanda is dead. She then calls Chris and tells him what’s happened, he tells her that he’ll send her a new passport to fly home with. Then lastly, Lauren calls Ethan and asks him if they can see each other again, Ethan is glad to hear from her and they decide to fly home together.
Tutor Feedback
- Too detailed on plot points
- The series synopsis should be broad sweeps of the story and characters
- This should focus on the key story moments
Changes
The changes that I will make:
- Narrow down the series synopsis to be more focused on key points
- Remove unnecessary extra details that belong in episode synopsis'
Episode One Synopsis
It’s England 1989, an excited couple by the name of Kathleen and Frank Porter have been having regular doctors’ check-ups and preparing for their baby for the last two months. Unable to carry a child, Kathleen has put her trust into a gestational surrogate; the gentle young American, Julia Drennen. Julia doesn’t have a biological relation to this baby, but she can’t help but feel a lot of love for him or her already. One day, mid conversation, Kathleen mentions that if the baby is a girl, she wants to name her after her late mother; Amanda. Julia starts to feel full of panic, being reminded that she won’t be able to raise her baby.
Later that night in her home, her anxiety gets the better of her and she decides that she isn’t willing to let her baby go. She frantically starts packing her bags and makes a call, she tells the person that she’s pregnant and that she and her baby need to go into hiding. She makes plans to stay with them and travels to a hotel. Over the next few days, Julia moves from place to place, while Kathleen and Frank start becoming more and more panicked over not being able to reach her on the phone or at her apartment. Eventually, Julia receives a package full of documents, she gets into a taxi and goes straight to the airport. She hands over her passport at the check-in desk, which shows her photo next to the name ‘Helen Daniels’. She is handed back her passport with a smile from the check-in staff and with a relieved look on her face, she disappears into a crowd of people.
Its twenty-seven years later; 2016. An attractive young woman cleans the bar of a diner, making witty jokes back and forth with the customers, her co-workers address her as Lauren. She finishes up for the evening and walks to her car in a dark, urban street. She passes a sign on her drive home that says ‘Southwest Schuylkill, Philadelphia’. She arrives home to an aged Julia (now known as Helen) and gives her a kiss on the cheek, addressing her as ‘mom’. The pair talk about their days, Lauren says she’s bored; of the town, her job, everything, and that she wants to go somewhere else for once, but Helen avoids the topic. Later that night, while Helen is painting a picture downstairs, Lauren sits in her bedroom, sketching. Their landline rings and Lauren answers, a woman’s voice tells her that she urgently needs to see her and that she’s family, she gives Lauren an address, asks her to come tomorrow and tells her not to tell her mother. Lauren agrees and hangs up, looking confused and suspicious.
The next morning, Lauren tells her mother that she’s going out, she gets in her car and drives for over an hour to Dover, Delaware. She arrives at a well-kept house, and a woman who looks frail, elderly, but slightly familiar to Lauren answers, and says her name is Joyce. The pair make small talk until Lauren demands to know why she was asked to come, Joyce reveals to Lauren that she’s Helen’s mother, that she’s dying, and that she needs to tell Lauren the truth about her life. She tells her that Helen isn’t who she thinks she is, and that she stole Lauren from her real parents twenty-seven years ago. Shocked and confused, Lauren wants to know more, but Joyce tells her that’s all she knows. Lauren leaves abruptly, and drives home wanting answers from her mother.
She bursts through the door, emotional and angry, and tells Helen what she’s learned today. Helen is shocked that Joyce reached out to Lauren, as her mother had wanted nothing to do with her since running away with a stolen child, and had ignored Helen’s attempts at contact throughout the years. Helen feels unable to deny the truth to her daughter, and in a panicking flood of tears admits to her that it’s true, but begs her to listen. Disgusted, Lauren doesn’t listen and leaves to go to their family friend’s house nearby. She arrives at Chris Hillman’s house, a friend of Helen’s since childhood and who helped to raise Lauren her whole life. Lauren expects him to be shocked by what she tells him, but Chris manages to calm her down and reveals that he knew, as he was the one that helped her mother change her identity, and that they came to Philadelphia to live with him for a while. Feeling obligated to help, he tells Lauren her mother’s real name, and tells her that all he’s ever known is that her parents are called Frank and Kathleen Porter, that Lauren’s real name was supposed to be Amanda Porter and that Helen ran away from London.
Lauren decides that she needs to find her parents and know who she is. She tells Chris this and leaves in a rush, he is unable to stop her but makes a call once she leaves. Lauren returns home once more, to her mother sat silently in devastation. Lauren opens their safe and takes some money, as she rushes round packing a bag, she tells her mother that she’s going to find her real parents and that she never wants to see her again. Lauren leaves and Helen bursts into tears. Lauren gets on a bus to the airport as the sun goes down. Once she arrives she has some time to kill until her flight to London. She stops in a bar and has a drink, after knocking back a shot of whiskey, a seedy looking man approaches her and pinches her behind. A young, attractive man sitting nearby sees this and goes to step in, but Lauren is quick to jump up and backhand the seedy man across the face hard enough for him to stumble. He raises his hand to her but the young man stops him and tells him that he should leave, pointing to everyone in the bar glaring at him. The man leaves and the young man sits next to Lauren and introduces himself as Ethan Briggs. They make small talk and Ethan attempts light-hearted conversation, he makes her briefly crack a smile but Lauren gives him mostly sarcastic responses and leaves once her flight number is called for boarding.
Once on the plane, Lauren notices Ethan, who has already spotted her, sitting a few rows ahead. He asks the stranger next to her if they can switch seats and sits next to Lauren, who rolls her eyes. The pair pick up conversation again and he asks her where she’s going, Lauren hesitates but tells him that she’s going to find her family. She looks out of the plane’s window as they prepare to take off. The plane takes off and Lauren’s journey begins.
Tutor Feedback
- Too detailed in certain areas involving dialogue and precise actions
- Use descriptive words
- Joyce reaching out to Lauren doesn't feel motivated, therefore the story needs to start with Lauren finding out in a different way
- Consider a cliff hanger with Ethan at the end of the episode that represent that he's not who he says he is
Changes
The changes that I will make:
- Remove unnecessary details that don't serve as a character, visual or atmospheric description
- Use more in depth descriptions such as "She sighs as she looks at her boring, dull hometown in Philadelphia" instead of "She passes a sign on her drive home that says ‘Southwest Schuylkill, Philadelphia’"
- Remove the character of Joyce due to lack of motivation and placement within the story
- Create a new situation for Lauren to find out that Helen isn't her mother, such as an accident showing that something to donate doesn't match or Helen confessing
- Create a cliff hanger moment to reveal that Ethan is up to something
Episode Two Synopsis
Lauren arrives in England, having told Ethan about her life’s secret and why she’s travelling to England to find her parents while on the plane, he stays by her side as they go through airport security checks, asking her questions and talking to her. Once they leave the airport Lauren tries to say goodbye to Ethan, but he offers to buy her breakfast, clearly interested in spending more time with her. She seems to like him and agrees. The pair have breakfast and Ethan asks how she intends to find her parents. She says she has no idea and he offers to help her. Suspicious of his generosity, she asks him why he travelled to England. He tells her that he has a job interview in advertising in a couple of days and that he came over early to do some sightseeing. He also tells Lauren that she seems nice and that she’s interesting, so he wants to help if he can. Lauren believes him and accepts his help, so they try to think of where to start over breakfast.
They eventually decide to go to a public library and use a computer, as Lauren knows her parents’ names she decides to see if she can look them up and track them down. They hunch over one computer together and search for Kathleen Porter, but get no helpful results. They then search for Frank Porter, and get a number of different people under that name, known in different London professions. The pair make a list of workplace addresses and begin travelling to the destinations. While on the underground, heading towards the first office building, Ethan asks Lauren what she plans to do when they get to the offices. She tells him that she’s going to say that she’s a family member from out of town coming to visit, and she has Frank’s work address but lost his home address and can’t get hold of him or Kathleen, and repeat until they’re at the right office. Lauren seems aware that it’s an unlikely plan and that she’ll seem crazy at the wrong offices, but is determined to find her father.
Spending all day travelling across areas of London, Lauren and Ethan fail over and over, by either receptionists refusing to provide them with contact details, or telling them that they have the wrong Frank Porter. But on the sixth office; a real estate agency, Lauren makes another attempt at using her line on a receptionist, who says that Frank isn’t there. But, and although looking suspicious of Lauren, the woman hands over a last known phone number and address, and tells Lauren that she can reach Frank or Kathleen there. Ethan and Lauren leave shocked, Ethan is excited for Lauren but she seems suddenly scared. Not ready to make contact yet, Lauren suggests calling her parents later and suggests going to a bar with Ethan.
The pair have a drink in a bar and talk about how unusual the day’s been, and what Lauren might say when she meets her parents. The conversation and a drink inspires Lauren to call the contact number that she has written down, unknowing of what she’ll say when they answer. But the phone number has been disconnected, Ethan assures her that it’s probably just an old number, and they decide to go straight to the address the next morning. Ethan goes to the bathroom, not noticing that his wallet was left on his chair, curious, Lauren opens it, only to find a Fraud Investigator occupational business card.
Lauren is shocked and drops the card and wallet on the chair, running out of the bar. Ethan catches sight of her leaving and sees his card on display. He chases after her and manages to grab her in the street. She angrily pushes him away, suspecting him of only helping her to open an identity fraud case against herself and Helen. Angry and emotional she tells him to stay away from her, but he chases after her again and makes her stop. He reveals to her that he works with Chris, who sent him to keep an eye on Lauren and keep her out of danger as a favour. Chris had asked him not to tell her, knowing that she wouldn’t want Ethan’s help if she knew that Chris had put him up to it. He proves this to her with a photo of himself and Chris on his phone, and his number in his contacts, along with call history.
Lauren believes him and apologises for her accusation, she tells him that he doesn’t have to keep helping her just because Chris asked him to. But he tells Lauren that he cares about her, and wants to keep helping, this seems to make Lauren happy. Ethan suggests that they turn in for the night and find a hotel. They get separate rooms at the hotel and say goodnight, but once Lauren sits on the edge of her bed, she looks thoughtful for a moment. She gets back up and knocks on Ethan’s door, he answers confused. Lauren seems nervous, and lightly kisses him on the lips, Ethan seems surprised, but doesn’t back away. They look at each other for a moment, and then kiss again, closing the door behind them. The pair continue to kiss and undress each other, eventually sleeping together and falling asleep in Ethan’s bed.
He wakes up the next morning to see that Lauren isn’t beside him anymore, just a note left on the end table. The note is written by Lauren, saying that she cares about Ethan, and doesn’t want to risk causing him problems (being a fraud investigator that knows the daughter of a fraud). She tells him that she’s glad they met, but has to do this alone now. Ethan runs to her room next door and knocks, but there’s no answer, looking disappointed he traipses back into his room.
Lauren has already left and sits on a bus, looking back and forth from the Hammersmith address in her hand and out of the window. She gets off of the bus and walks along a street, looking from house to house. She stops at the right address, and nervously approaches the front door. She knocks and a young, attractive, yet slightly worn down looking woman answers the door. Confused, Lauren asks if she has the right address and says she’s looking for Frank and Kathleen Porter. The woman tells her that they’ve moved but she has their address and invites Lauren in. While the woman searches for the address in the next room, Lauren’s eyes scan the room, she notices a picture of the woman with what looks like her parents. The woman returns and Lauren asks if this is her parents, the woman says yes, that’s her parents; Frank and Kathleen, and passes Lauren the address. Looking shocked, Lauren starts to piece things together, she asks the woman her name, which she answers ‘Amanda’. With devastation across her face, Lauren asks when Amanda was born, to which she answers 1989. Lauren gasps and realises what her parents have done, saying “they replaced me”.
Tutor Feedback
- Also too detailed in certain areas
- The episode is too flat until the end
- Ethan and Lauren need to have more of an investigation into finding Frank, with more adventure
- Create more mystery around Ethan's character. Think of a reason for why he could be travelling with/helping Lauren instead of helping Chris
- Lauren needs more information to realise that Amanda is her replacement
- A gripping story so far
Changes
The changes that I will make:
- Remove unnecessary details
- Create more drama for Lauren, with more of a journey to the end of the episode
- Create more of an investigation for Lauren and Ethan in finding Frank by creating a new situation in replacement of the above
- Create a new reason for why Ethan has accompanied Lauren on her journey that has more reasoning behind it
- Give Lauren's character more information/realisations as to why she thinks Amanda is her replacement
Episode Three Synopsis
Leaving Amanda’s house in a shocked hurry, Lauren walks down the street trying to gather her thoughts, trying figure out why her parents would have replaced her instead of looking for her. She stops in an alley and rests against a wall, trying to calm herself down. She looks at the new address in her hand, and decides she needs to go straight to her parents for answers. She goes back to the street and gets into a taxi.
Once again approaching a house, she knocks on the door and puts down her bag. A middle aged woman with a resemblance to Lauren answers, she looks at Lauren for a moment and then realises, asking if she’s who she thinks she is. With now a bitterness towards her birth mother, Lauren says that it depends on whether she’s Kathleen Porter. The woman says that she is, and Lauren responds that she is her biological daughter. Kathleen breaks down in tears, shocked that her real daughter is standing in front of her. Lauren doesn’t respond in the same way, with simple tears in her eyes and anger in her voice, she asks to come inside. Kathleen invites her in and they sit down.
Kathleen asks how she found them, but Lauren angrily asks why her parents didn’t find her, revealing that she’s met their ‘daughter’ Amanda. Kathleen looks ashamed, saying that they made a mistake. She tells Lauren that she wanted to find her, but that Frank quickly gave up hope of ever finding his baby. He had convinced them both that the only way they were ever going to be able to have a child was to adopt. And if they wanted to save their family the shame from trusting a woman that ran away with their baby, they were never going to tell the police, and were going to have to pretend that a different baby was the same one they were expecting months later. So they flew to Romania, and illegally adopted a two month old orphan, who they named Amanda Porter.
Still in tears, Kathleen says that she was never able to love Amanda like her own daughter, and that she will regret not finding Lauren for the rest of her life. At that moment, Frank comes home to see Lauren and Kathleen sat together. Kathleen tells him that it’s her, and Frank reacts in anger. He tells Lauren to get out and that she’s not their daughter, Kathleen tries to argue with him but he doesn’t listen to her. Lauren, feeling resentment towards her father, glares at him and says she’ll leave, to Kathleen’s dismay. Lauren walks away from the house, with her angry expression turning to tears. After she’s left, we see that Amanda had followed her and listened outside of the window, looking angry and upset, she grabs Lauren’s forgotten bag from the doorstep and gets into her car.
Having realised that she left her bag behind, Lauren uses the money from her pockets to buy a bottle of booze and sits on a bench in an old abandoned park, drinking and crying in broad daylight. She takes out her phone and makes a call, saying that she’s sorry for leaving, that she shouldn’t have come here and that she misses the person. She tells them not to worry about finding her, but reluctantly gives them her hotel address anyway. After hanging up, Lauren sits in sadness for a bit longer, then throws the bottle away and starts to walk the long journey back to her hotel. Once she reaches her room, she sees that Ethan’s room is empty and being cleaned. Exhausted, she then goes straight to bed for an early night, planning on collecting her bag for her clothes and passport, and then go home tomorrow.
Ten hours later, Lauren wakes up in the middle of the night, realising that she has tape over her mouth and that her hands and feet have been tied up. She sees Amanda, lent over a chest of drawers, snorting a line of cocaine. Lauren starts to wriggle and tries to scream but it’s muffled by the tape, Amanda hears her and turns around. Appearing paranoid and emotional, Amanda tells Lauren that she knows who she is, and drops her bag next to her, which holds her hotel check-in receipt. Stumbling slightly, Amanda tells Lauren that she won’t take her family away from her, and takes out a knife. Lauren screams again, with tears rolling down her cheeks and continuing to try to wriggle free.
Amanda, tearing up, leans over Lauren with the knife and tells her that she just wanted her parents to love her, and now she knows why they don’t. Lauren’s tape comes off and her scream echoes. Amanda quickly puts her hand over her mouth, telling her to shut up. Just then, Helen bursts into the room, having caught a flight to London as soon as her daughter called her. She sees Lauren tied up, with a knife being held to her. She runs to her daughter but Amanda panics and runs at her with the knife, stabbing her in the stomach. Lauren manages to free herself at that moment, jumping up to reach her mother. Amanda turns to attack Lauren, but Lauren picks up a lamp and smashes it across her head. Amanda falls to the floor, killed on impact.
Lauren rushes to her mother and holds her as she lay dying. In floods of tears, Lauren tells her mother how sorry she is and that she loves her. Helen tells Lauren that she’s sorry for lying to her, but that she loves her more than anything. Telling Helen that she’s her real mother no matter what, Helen soon dies in her arms. Sat crying and holding her mother for a moment, Lauren looks up at Amanda’s body, and realises that the police will have been called from the disturbing noises. She’s forced to pull herself together and cleans fingerprints from objects around the room, takes her things, checks the bodies for evidence (noticing that her mother used a different ID instead of Helen Daniels) and has to leave her mother and Amanda behind. Avoiding everyone around her, Lauren hastily leaves the hotel and walks down the street. Police cars speed past her with their sirens on, but Lauren goes unnoticed.
The following morning, Lauren stands at a distance from her birth parents’ house, and watches as the police tell them that their daughter Amanda is dead. As she watches her parents react in devastation, a tear roles down her cheek, and she turns and walks away. She later calls Chris and tells him what’s happened, he tells her to wait in London and he’ll send her a new identity to travel home with as the police will be searching for her, he then hangs up and bursts into tears. Lauren then makes another call, asking Ethan if he wants to see her, he answers, sat in the restaurant where they first ate breakfast, and says he was hoping that she’d say that. Lauren later meets Ethan at the restaurant, and he says “let’s go home”, she faintly smiles with hope.
Tutor Feedback
- Too detailed in certain areas
- Not enough happens in the episode overall
- Lauren meetings her parents isn't emotional/dramatic enough
- The focus should be more so on Lauren and Amanda
- It needs to be established that the Porters aren't the family that Lauren was hoping for
Changes
- Remove unnecessary details
- Create more story arcs and more drama throughout the episode, creating new situations
- Create a more emotional and dramatic situation when Lauren meets her family
- Have Lauren and Amanda meet and interact more with new situations
- Alongside episode two, create characteristics for the Porters that are unlikable and obviously disappointing for Lauren
The in depth feedback that I received for all of my synopsis is very helpful in improving the content of my miniseries, and I will be making all of the above creative changes right away.
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