Unit 1: Story-telling: Script Update

After viewing a mock script that my course leader wrote and the first couple of script pages of Breaking Bad, I have drastically changed the actions in my script and how descriptive they are. I think it's a big improvement and makes my script come to life.


INT. WOMAN’S BEDROOM - MORNING

A WOMAN sleeps soundly in bed. The silence of the room is broken with a sudden BEEP BEEP BEEP of her alarm clock. Her eyes SPRING open, she silences the alarm and JOLTS upright.


INT. MAN’S BEDROOM - MORNING

A MAN sleeps SPRAWLED OUT in bed. The only sound is of his RUMBLING snoring until RING RING RING! His phone alarm STARTLES him awake. He silences it with a SMACK and DRAGS himself upright.


INT. WOMAN’S BEDROOM - MORNING

The woman RECLINES in her pristine bed, the room surrounding her is spotless, the morning light GLEAMING in. She picks up her phone and begins to type.


INT. MAN’S BEDROOM - MORNING

The man lets out a lengthy yawn and stretches as he SLUMPS against the headboard. Laundry, dirty dishes and rubbish are scattered across the dark room while sunshine cuts through the drawn curtains. He picks up his phone and smiles.


BETH (TEXT)

Morning, I can’t wait to see you today :) x


INT. WOMAN’S KITCHEN - MORNING

The woman is PERCHED on her seat at the table, NIBBLING on a piece of toast. Not a dirty dish in sight. BING! Her text tone sounds and she picks up her phone.


TONY (TEXT)

I’ll meet you at the cafe? :) x


INT. MAN’S LIVING ROOM - MORNING

The man LOUNGES on his sofa, MUNCHING on a bowl of cereal and watching TV. DING! His text tone sounds and he picks up his phone.


BETH (TEXT)

I’ll see you at 12 x


INT. WOMAN’S BEDROOM - MORNING

The woman takes her readily prepared outfit from the wardrobe and CAREFULLY lays it on the bed with a satisfied smile. 


INT. MAN’S BEDROOM - MORNING

The man RUMMAGES through his wardrobe, THROWING clothes onto his unmade bed.


INT. WOMAN’S BEDROOM - MORNING

The woman makes finishing touches to her POLISHED appearance in the mirror, gives another satisfied smile and walks away.


INT. MAN’S BEDROOM - MORNING

The man HURRIEDLY approaches the mirror as he puts on his T-shirt, runs his hands through his FLAWLESS hair and walks away.


EXT. WOMAN’S HOUSE, FRONT DOOR - DAY

The woman leaves her house and begins to PACE along the pathway and down the street.


EXT. MAN’S HOUSE, FRONT DOOR - DAY

The man leaves his house and STROLLS to his car.


EXT. ROADSIDE - DAY

The woman continues to PACE along the roadside, SHARPLY turning corners.


INT. MAN’S CAR - DAY

The man EXCITEDLY HUMS and TAPS on the wheel in time with the radio in his car as it BARRELS along the road. He takes out his phone, his eyes DARTING back and forth from typing and the road, then puts it away.


EXT. ROADSIDE - DAY

BING! The woman’s text tone sounds. She takes out her phone and GRINS as she OBLIVIOUSLY steps out onto the road. We’re about to see the text when SCREEEECH! The PIERCING sound of car brakes fills the air. Her head JOLTS round with WIDENED eyes and she lets out a gasp.

SCREEEECH! The car is about to COLLIDE with the woman when everything suddenly cuts to black.

THUMP! SMASH!

...SILENCE...


EXT. ROADSIDE - DAY

FADE IN. RING RING! RING RING! The woman lays EERILY still on the ground. Her body BATTERED and BRUISED, as her phone rings not too far from her with the name ‘Tony’. We see the man’s feet HURRY out of the car from behind her, RUSH to her side and FALL TO HIS KNEES.

His face is filled with DESPAIR and SHOCK as he sits FROZEN for a moment...Then HURRIEDLY takes out his phone. He ignores a text from Beth and dials 999 with PANIC all over his face.

Unit 1: Story-telling: Script

Here's my script draft for the first two minutes. I feel happy with this but will continue to improve on it.


INT. NINA’S BEDROOM - MORNING

Nina lays peacefully in her bed. Her alarm clock sounds and she opens her eyes.


INT. AIDEN’S BEDROOM - MORNING

Aiden lays sprawled out on his front in bed. His phone alarm sounds and he wakes up with a jolt.


INT. NINA’S BEDROOM - MORNING

Nina sits up in bed, picks up her phone and begins to type. 


INT. AIDEN’S BEDROOM - MORNING

Aiden slowly sits up in bed and stretches. He picks up his phone from the end table. He looks at his phone and smiles.

BETH (TEXT)

Morning, I can’t wait to see you today :) x

INT. NINA’S KITCHEN - MORNING

Nina sits at her kitchen table eating breakfast. Her phone sounds and she picks it up.

TONY (TEXT)

I’ll meet you at the cafe? :) x

INT. AIDEN’S LIVING ROOM - MORNING

Aiden sits on his sofa eating breakfast and watching TV. His phone sounds and he picks it up.

BETH (TEXT)

I’ll see you at 12 x

INT. NINA’S BEDROOM - MORNING

Nina takes clothes out of her wardrobe and lays them on her bed.


INT. AIDEN’S BEDROOM - MORNING

Aiden rummages through the clothes scattered around his room.


INT. NINA’S BEDROOM - MORNING

Nina makes finishing touches to her polished appearance in the mirror and walks away.


INT. AIDEN’S BEDROOM - MORNING

Aiden approaches the mirror as he puts on his T-shirt, runs his hands through his hair and walks away.


EXT. NINA’S HOUSE, FRONT DOOR - DAY

Nina closes the door and walks along the pathway and turns.


EXT. AIDEN’S HOUSE, FRONT DOOR - DAY

Aiden closes the door and walks towards his car, unlocks it and opens the door.


EXT. ROADSIDE - DAY

Nina walks along the path.


INT. AIDEN’S CAR - DAY

Aiden sings along to the radio as he drives. He takes out his phone and types. He puts his phone back out of shot.


EXT. ROADSIDE - DAY

Nina continues to walk as her phone sounds. She takes out her phone and smiles as she crosses the road. As the sound of a car nearing gets louder her head turns sharply, looking shocked.


INT. AIDEN’S CAR - DAY

Aiden’s face becomes startled.


EXT. ROAD - DAY

Nina is stood frozen in the road as Aiden’s car is about to collide with her.

Scene cuts to black. Fades in.

EXT. ROAD - DAY

Nina lays still on the ground as her phone rings near her with the name ‘Tony’ calling.

Unit 1: Story-telling: Project Update

I have created character profiles for my two main characters and for a supporting character. This gives me a better idea of who they are and what they will be like in the situations I'm putting them in.

Aiden / the Driver:
(Name meaning: Fire)

Traits:
- Unorganised
- Easy going
- Cheerful
- Casual dresser
- Good looking
- Caring
- Age of early 20s
- Lives in a shared house

Occupation:
- University student: Sport and Exercise Management

Interests:
- Enjoys listening to indie music
- Favourite TV/film genres are comedy & action
- Video games
- Socialising with friends at the pub
- Playing football with his team

Flaws:
- Untidy
- Can be immature at times
- Not often punctual

Friends & Family:
- Immediate family: mum, dad, younger sister
- Middle class upbringing
- Close to family
- Mix of female and male friends from previously being at school and from university
- Popular
- Lives with friends from university

Fears:
- Anything happening to his family
- Not succeeding after university

____________________________________________________________________


Nina / the Injured:
(Name meaning: Strong)

Traits:
- Organised
- Perfectionist
- Well presented
- Good looking
- Neat
- Kind
- Age of early 20s
- Lives with a friend

Occupation:
- Office assistant at an advertising company

Interests:
- Enjoys listening to pop & indie music
- Favourite TV/film genres are drama & thriller
- Reading drama and romance novels
- Socialising with friends at bars, cafes and pubs
- Her job and working her way up in the industry

Flaws:
- Slightly too obsessive
- Struggles to relax

Friends & Family:
- Immediate family: mum & dad
- Middle class upbringing
- Close to family, especially father
- Mostly female friends
- Small amount of very close friends from previously being at school and from work
- Lives with best friend from university

Fears:
- Not succeeding in her career

____________________________________________________________________


Tony / the Boyfriend:
(Name meaning: Thriving)

Traits:
- Organised
- Sensitive
- Well presented
- Good looking
- Age of mid 20s
- Lives alone

Occupation:
- IT administrator

Interests:
- Enjoys listening to classic rock music
- Favourite TV/film genres are drama & action
- Socialising with friends at pubs
- Watching rugby

Flaws:
- Crumbles in upsetting situations
- Unreliable
- Can be selfish

Friends & Family:
- Immediate family: mum & dad
- Middle class upbringing
- Average relationship with family
- Mostly male friends
- A small amount of close friends from work and from previously being at university

Fears:
- Anything ruining his comfortable life

____________________________________________________________________

I've found this very helpful for my script.

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